American Idol’s Worst Nightmare Has Come True

I don’t watch American Idol, except for the first few episodes that are hilarious at the expense of a few misguided sociopaths. This season, there is something different going on. I heard my mom bitching about one of the contestants and how bad he was. She said some Indian sounding name, and I put two and two together, since I had see an Indian kid in the auditions, and pinned a name to a face. I didn’t pay much attention to the comment or the ensuing conversation. All I knew was that she was blaming the terrible Indian kid’s success on adolescent girls and their ability to completely seize and rape pop music. She mentioned that in one episode some girl in the audience was crying, just like they do at every Back Street Boys concert.

That’s the picture of the actual girl crying while Sanjaya Malakar is performing “Girl You Really Got Me Now”, not a traditonal 12 year old girl cries her eyes out hit.

I got home and didn’t think twice about my mother’s suspiciously borderline racist comments. But, around 10:00 PM EST, my mom came into the room and started ranting about this kid again, mentioning how he wasn’t even in the bottom three contestants of the night. That’s when my dad jumped in: “Yeah, it’s that American Idol conspiracy.” What? An American Idol conspiracy? I was floored. Apparently a bunch of bloggers are encouraging everyone to vote for the worst contestants on American Idol. Genius. I have beeyn waiting for something like this to happen for years. Simon is absolutely furious. He knows what’s going on. He’s not an idiot. You can see it in his eyes, he knows that this kid sucks, and he knows that the internet has waged war upon him and his show.

Upon further investigation, I found votefortheworst.com. Right now, the site is down because the site is probably getting intense traffic now that this ‘conspiracy’ is public knowledge.

If you’d like to see some footage of Sanjaya sucking, watch here:

Girl crying:

Real Madrid Are the Yankees of Soccer

May I add, to the tenth power.

Ramon Calderon, Madrid’s owner, is ridiculous. Just this season Madrid jumped on Fabio Cannavaro after they saw his stellar performance in the 2006 World Cup and Juventus was demoted to Serie B. Now, he’s talking about getting Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United), Kaka (AC Milan), and Christoph Metzelder (Borussia Dortmund). That would be like the Yankees getting Alex Rodriquez, Johnny Damon, and Randy Johnson in the same year.

Ronaldo is still in contract negotiations with Manchester United, and from what I know, they still want him, and he still wants to stay. But, it has been rumored that he is not 100% happy at Old Trafford. I’m not a huge Manchester United supporter, but I would like to see Cristiano remain with the club and see what happens there in the next few years. If he does decide to leave, I really would not want to see him in Madrid. It just seems like a waste. He’s an amazing player and going to Madrid would just be throwing him in the mix of an all-star team.

As for Kaka, I feel the same way. AC Milan just picked up Ronaldo (Brazilian Ronaldo, not Cristiano for those of you who don’t follow football too closely) and I would like to see Kaka and Ronaldo come together and perform in Milan, despite the fact that I am an Inter fan. I feel like ever since the scandal that took place in the Italian Serie A, the Italian league has suffered from complacency and apathy. AC was docked 15 points at the beginning of the season, basically stunting any chances they had to have a successful season, and rightfully so, but next year is another year and it will be nice to see Serie A with some more competitiveness to it.

I don’t know too much about Christoph Metzelder, but what I have come to understand is that he is apparently a pretty dominant defender in the German Bundes Liga. Metzelder intends to leave the German league but the last place I would like to see his talent is Madrid. They are the Yankees on a much greater scale, an international scale. When I look at Real Madrid and watch them play, there is not much of a team feel to their style of play. Just like the Yankees, they look like a hand picked team of pedigree athletes, and just like the Yankees, they aren’t playing to their potential on paper as they sit 5 points behind Ronaldinho and Barcelona.

Maybe before it’s too late, Ramon Calderon should talk to George Steinbrenner and see where buying up any talent he sees has gotten him.

John Basedow Has Sunk to a New Low…If That’s Even Possible

I know almost everyone has been up real late at night, surfing the channels for something decent to watch and stumbled across John Basedow’s “Fitness Made Simple” commercial. My friends and I would always laugh at this guy because his hair looks worse than a cancer patient on intensive chemo-therapy. He’s promoting his exercise plans and videos, but when you look at him, you think he’d starved himself for months, had surgery to install bicep and chest implants, got a spray on golden tan, and rubbed himself down in oil. He doesn’t look good. John Basedow looks like the most unhealthy body builder I’ve ever seen.

Last night, my friends and I were bored and watching TV, and once again a John Basedow commercial came on. We began laughing as he stood there talking and trying not to look like he was flexing. You always know he is flexing though. Who talks standing with their side facing the camera with their arm pressed against the side of their chest in order to make their arms look bigger? But this commercial was a little different. He advertised a fucking MySpace. Now, you can visit John on mySpace.com. Just like every other celebrity on the planet, Basedown has jumped on the MySpace bandwagon. I couldn’t resist so I had to go to Basedow’s MySpace Page. Apparently John thinks he needs a reality tv show, but unlike every other celebrity, no one wanted to give him one. You may be asking yourself why would John Basedow need a reality tv show? He doesn’t. He’s a fitness instructor that doesn’t look like he has the strength to walk on his own. Basedow took the liberty to film his reality show by himself, and post it on his MySpace page. I’ve only gotten through about 30 seconds of one episode before I realized it was completely retarded and didn’t deserve another 30 seconds of my life.

The sad thing is, John Basedow seems like he is a nice guy. He’s polite and appears genuine on camera but I really feel that the lack of vital nutrients required by the human body that John starved himself of has seriously altered the chemical balance in his brain.

John Basedow is the last person I would take exercise and fitness advice from and he is the last person that I’d want to watch on tv for more than 45 seconds.

XBOX 360 Elite: New Package?

For those of you who aren’t aware, there have been rumors of a new XBOX 360 package. It was originally codenamed “Zephyr”, but it is now being called “XBOX 360 Elite Edition”. teamXbox.com had this to say:

“…this new Xbox 360 is rumored to have a built-in HDMI port and comes with a larger, 120 GB HD, and HDMI cable and a sexy black finish. It has been rumored too that all the new black accessories will be available separately.”

I’m thinking these are just photoshopped images but it would be cool to see some black accessories.

Chelsea vs. Tottenham: Amazng Shevchenko Goal, Lampard Dodges a Punch

Chelsea faced off against Tottenham yesterday and the game was in Tottenham’s favor going into the second half. They had quite a few nice opportunities and I had Chelsea where they wanted them, until Andriy Shevchenko pulled this out:

Amazing. To be able to bend a shot that way and place it perfectly in the top left upright is not easy.

After the game, a fan rushed the field and took a swing (a pretty pathetic one) at Frank Lampard. You’ll see Lampard dodge the punch and the rest of the Chelsea squad stomp the fan out, starting with Didier Drogba. If you are going to try to sucker punch someone, make sure you hit them.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres

I don’t know how many people actually watch this show, but I think it’s very under-appreciated. I remember the first time I saw it, I thought it was absolutely retarded and I couldn’t stand it. If you’re still not sure which show I’m talking about, it’s the one that single handedly shut down the city of Boston.

Still not ringing a bell?

After seeing about three episodes I began to develop a taste for the show. It really is probably the funniest animated series on tv right now. Yes, I said it. And yes, I am not forgetting about Family Guy. Well, maybe Family Guy has a little on ATHF, but only because ATHF episodes are only about 15 minutes long as opposed to Family Guy’s 30 minute long episodes. The storylines are absolutely ridiculous and make absolutely no sense. I’m not even sure if the name has any significant meaning. Like I said, you will probably hate the show the first time you see it but after a few episodes you’ll be surprised how badly you want another 15 minutes out of each episode.

If you haven’t heard, there is an Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie coming out on April 13th, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres.

Here is the trailer:

Iran Condemns 300…No Shit.

According to BBCNews.com,

“Javad Shamaqdari, a cultural advisor to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, said it was ‘plundering Iran’s historic past and insulting this civilization’.

He branded the film ‘psychological warfare’ against Tehran and its people.”

The Iranian government is up in arms over the film which portrays the Battle of Thermopylae, where it is said that 300 Spartans were to have held off an army of around 100,000 Persians led by Xerxes. Iran isn’t happy with the film because it apparently portrays their ancestors as evil, dumb, and murderous.

Obviously, the Persians are made out to be evil and barely resemble anything human. I guess Iran didn’t get the memo about 300 being a movie adapted from a graphic novel. Even so, it does portray their “glorious history” in a pretty negative light. All I have to say is “Oh well”. If you want to run around threatening the world with potential nuclear fire power, then don’t expect to be shown as peace loving or compassionate.

John Stewart brought this whole issue up on the Daily Show and he made some pretty good points. If you’d like to check it out, watch it here:

Snoop Dogg Arrested in Sweden, God of War II Reviewed

Since when is Snoop Dogg getting arrested breaking news?

He was almost convicted of murder about ten years ago and it’s common knowledge that THC will be traceable in his system for the rest of his life. But, the Swedish police thought it was necessary to arrest him and make a story out of it. Apparently he was stopped in a car (not sure if he was driving) and was arrested because the officer found him to be under the influence of narcotics. If he was high on crack, then ok, this is news only because rappers don’t smoke crack, they sell it. But, if he was high on anything else besides that, who gives a shit. I think I’ve even heard my grandmother talk about Snoop Dogg blazing “L’s”. The Swedish police made Snoop give some body samples in order to determine if he was in fact under the influence. The results are to be determined in two the three weeks. Now you need a lab to determine if Snoop Dogg was high? What the fuck. I’m going to go with my gut on this one and say he was.

If found guilty, he can face up to $280 in fines. Snoop Dogg will whipe his ass with $280 dollars, then smoke it, and get high from the amount of THC absorbed in his excrement.

Anyway, the first reviews of God of War II are starting to surface and the infamous GameSpot has posted its review. GameSpot is known for being very critical, but God of War II dominated their faces with a 9.2/10.

God of War I was an amazing game on a semi-outdated console and now Playstation 2 is completely in the shadows of XBOX 360 and the PS3 but the second installment managed to be described like this:

“Simply put, it’s easily one of the best action adventure games of the last console generation, and it even trumps much of what has been shown in the current generation. For fans of the first game, and fans of bloody, violent, exciting action in general, God of War II shouldn’t be missed.”

God of War II releases tomorrow in the United States and I’m sure anyone who owns a PS2 will be shelling out their last $40 they will ever spend on a PS2 game ever again.

300: Celebration of Cinema

300 was everything I thought it would be: brutal, grostesque, ruthless. You don’t go to see a movie like 300 for the intricate plot or story line. You see a movie like 300 for the violent battle scenes. The Spartan world was very different than the world today. For one, it was much simpler. When it came down to it, people fought, and they fought face to face, and they fought without mercy or sympathy. This is exactly what 300 captures: the fact that back then, men were dedicated to their homeland and they would do anything to defend it. Obviously, 300 was probably more accentuated than the actual Battle of Thermopylae, but the movie does a great job of showcasing the primal and hardened nature of the Spartan warrior culture.

The fight scenes in 300 are amazing. It can’t be described as anything else than as Gladiator meets The Matrix. The fighting is very primitive and personal, and the way the film is edited and the effects that are used make it very inrtricate and extremely close. Alot of the battles are shown in slow motion for some of the time and it looks absolutely insane to see one Spartan take off one Persian’s leg, slash another’s throat, and then body a third with his massive shield. It really does alot for the film and gives you an idea just of how fearless and insane the Spartans may have been.

The story line behind 300 isn’t as bad as some critics are making out to be but maybe that isn’t their fault. A lot of movie critics are much older than the target audience for this film and I think that the right opinions are not getting directed to the people who care about this film. 300 is essentially a movie that was morphed out of a comic book with video game-like aspects incorporated into it. Obviously this doesn’t appeal to a fourty year old man, but to a guy anywhere between the ages of 13 and 30, this movie is everything that we grew up with.

300 is a pretty damn motivating film. Like I anticipated, it wanted to make me either enlist or start training for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. The way that the 300 Spartans come together, fight for each other, and just portray a completely badass and fearless attitude made me wish I had been taken away from my parents at age 7 and forced to beat the hell out of other kids my age to become one of the most feared warriors in the entire world.

Overall, 300 is an amazingly well done giant battle scene. Do not go into the theatre expecting to see a highly intellectual and historically accurate movie. This movie is anything but that. 300 is primitive, ruthless, and brutal in nature; exactly what the Spartan culture has been portrayed as in every single history class anyone has ever taken.

Assault at the Coliseum

The Rangers and Islanders faced off tonight and what started off as a good game ended in a brutal assault.

According to HockeyFights.com

“Hollweg laid Simon into the boards hard. Whether or not that hit was legal will probably be something that’s debated for a long time to come. What came after that, Simon getting up and catching Hollweg in the face with his stick, won’t be.”

When you watch the video, you’ll see the hit and the baseball swing with a hockey stick. That had to hurt. Not only do I think Simon should be suspended for the rest of the year, but I also feel that Hollweg should press charges if he wants to.

If you want a better look at the hit, go here: http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/recap?gameId=270308012

Hockey is getting ridiculous. I feel like they have been condoning fights in order to get ratings up but this is just out of hand. They are going to need to edit the rule books for this one.

Maybe they’ve seen one too many trailers for 300.